Alchemy and Altruism: a mother was born June 14, 2012

It’s been a long but incredibly quickly-gone-by 20 months since I last blogged anything here.

 

In that time – I became a mom to now 1 year old twin girls – Kimiya and Ethar. Their names perfectly     capture what being a mother requires – transformation and selflessness.

 

The last year has been the most challenging in my life so far – becoming a mother changes everything. Free time and sleep are a faraway dream, replaced by the constant neediness of two infants. Their dependence on me is so primal and so primordial. It reaches out to the very core of my being and forces me to ask questions on what it means to really be a human being.

 

Pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding – all very biological and embodied experiences – have also richly colored my understanding of what it means to be a woman. I don’t buy into the binary division of women as fundamentally being caregivers and men as being solely providers; this deprives women of greater social and political participation and robs men of the very intimate and special experience of nurturing children. As is everything – balance is key. Mothering however, is significantly different from fathering – mostly due to biology, and some might argue – wiring. This year has challenged me to face issues regarding my gender which go beyond equality - what does bearing, birthing, suckling and raising children mean for and to women? For me it has meant embracing and celebrating womanhood, not being confined by it (despite feeling completely inadequate when faced with two crying babies, and wondering if I am really cut of the mummy-cloth). It has renewed my commitment to gender justice, beyond notions of “rights” to what essentially constitutes us ontologically. Mothering children requires immense amounts of patience, tolerance and self-sacrifice. These qualities have somehow come to be seen as essentially feminine, when in fact, they are totalitarian in applying to all human beings.

 

Becoming a mother offers the realization that there are so many ways to exist. Fitting into someone else’s mold of how we should parent our children only drives us further and further away from our true selves. One of the biggest obstacles in this regard has been breastfeeding. I have found the least support in my obstinacy to breastfeed my girls. Being a gender activist at heart, the lack of support for such a natural and beautiful process is alarming. Whilst many Muslim women do breastfeed, I have been faced in my community with an increasing move away from breastfeeding, for various reasons, some of them very valid. I have myself combined bottle and breastfeeding when I had to, due to exhaustion or the ability to have my husband and family take care of the girls when I was otherwise committed, still I have remained true to my instincts to nurse my babies until now, but when I am regularly told that “breast-milk is not filling”, “babies grow faster and better on formula” and “you will never produce enough milk for two” or asked ‘when are you going to stop?” – the lactivist in me ignites, despite the difficulty of interrupted sleep and the understanding of how a cow must feel. In a society bombarded by images of naked and semi-naked women, cleavage is not an uncommon sight – yet the discomfort people feel when a woman modestly and subtly breastfeeds is so palpable. One of the greatest injustices to my gender (perpetuated by men and women) has been the misappropriation of the female body from its natural state to a hypersexualized ideal. It has become OK to allow children to become attached to bottles, dummies, blankies, dolls and other security objects, but concepts like co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding and self-weaning are seen as “inconvenient”, “disgusting” and “gross”. On the flip side – other elements of my community view child-rearing and child-bearing as the sole purpose of womanhood – a notion against which I vehemently rebel.

 

I don’t see any contradiction in being immersed in the embodied experience of mothering and at the same time being an intellectually and socially active person and in this regard I have been very blessed in the immense support from my family, especially my husband, who has been completely absorbed in raising these girls from the day they were born, and the invaluable help of a wonderful nanny, which has allowed me to continue my academic pursuits – this in turn, has made me a more willing mother. As with many first time mothers, the depression djinn threatens to possess, what with all the sleepless nights and ensuing chaos of bringing and grounding two new human beings into the world. Retaining my sense of self and pursuing my passion for Islamic academia, as well remaining a contributing member of my community went a long way in exorcising that dark dragon of despair. Here again – I see the gendered forces at work – where issues like post-natal depression are taboo in the Muslim community, as it is believed that becoming a mother should bring only joy and elation at having fulfilled a primary womanly duty. I can only imagine the number of women who suffer silently in the aftermath of the severe physical and hormonal upheaval that is birth.

 

From the pregnancy to labor and beyond – I have witnessed how the most beautiful and miraculous process of life has been commercialized. Women are poked and prodded throughout pregnancy, babies churned out like fast-food under glaring lights, submitted to an invasive examination to be declared “normal”, fed artificial milk,  expected to fall asleep on their own, stay asleep through the night from as young as 6 weeks and then fit into a perfect routine which leaves parents free to continue life as before. It is in this cold and clinical environment that I wished a different path for myself and found a deep appreciation for the traditional customs which give women time and space to heal and bond after child-birth.

 

I have been blessed with two daughters – and I only pray that I can bring them up with a sense of deep commitment to the ideals of justice, tolerance and modesty, made so challenging in a world filled with bigotry, prejudice and obscenity.

 

We do not only try to live the Quran, but the Quran too lives through us and our experiences, and so I have come to a deeper understanding of the words of God which say,

“We have enjoined on human beings kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth” (46:15).

 

and the profound nature of the Quranic prayer,

“And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small” (17:24).

 

Motherhood is at once a banal everyday chore and a sublime spiritual state.

Kimiya and Ethar July 14, 2011

Kimiya: Alchemy/transformation/to make something valuable/a formula or prescription for life.

In its essence Kimiya represents a complete conception of the universe and relations between earthly beings and the cosmos. Imam Ghazali was a believer that everything on Earth is a manifestation of God’s spirit, thus everything belongs to Kimiya.Spiritual attainment has frequently been described as alchemy – a transformation whereby a human’s leaden, dull nature is returned to its golden state

Alchemy did not derive from a desire to enrich oneself by transmuting base metals into gold as had originally been conjectured. Rather, the gold came to represent a spiritual state attained by the alchemist.

In the Islamic world – alchemy represents process and signifies the summation of a process – usually the process of the soul attaining its highest state.

Sayyed Hossein Nasr describes alchemy as:

Alchemy, which is at once a symbolic science of material forms and a symbolic expression of the spiritual and psychological transformations of the soul, became a link between Sufism and art, and its language the means whereby the maker and the artisan has been given the possibility of integrating his outward and inward life, his work and his religious activity.

Kimya was also the name of the great Mawlana Jalaludin Rumi’s adopted daughter, a spiritual saint in her own right, who learnt from him the science of spirituality.

In his introduction to the Kimiya-e-Sa’adat (Alchemy of Happiness), Imam Ghazali explains:

“Know, O beloved, that man was not created in jest or at random, but marvellously made and for some great end. Although he is not from everlasting, yet he lives for ever; and though his body is mean and earthly, yet his spirit is lofty and divine. When in the crucible of abstinence he is purged from carnal passions he attains to the highest, and in place of being a slave to lust and anger becomes endued with angelic qualities. Attaining that state, he finds his heaven in the contemplation of Eternal Beauty, and no longer in fleshly delights. The spiritual alchemy which operates this change in him, like that which transmutes base metals into gold, is not easily discovered, nor to be found in the house of every old woman. It is to explain that alchemy and its methods of operation that the author has undertaken this work, which he has entitled, The Alchemy of Happiness. Now the treasuries of God, in which this alchemy is to be sought, are the hearts of the prophets, and he, who seeks it elsewhere, will be disappointed and bankrupt on the Day of Judgment, when he hears the words, “We have lifted the veil from off thee, and thy sight to-day is keen. God has sent on earth a hundred and twenty-four thousand prophets to teach men the prescription of this alchemy, and how to purify their hearts from baser qualities in the crucible of abstinence. This alchemy may be briefly described as turning away from the world to God.”

Eethar: selflessness/altruism/preferring others over yourself

Al-Eethar means giving preference to others over yourself and considering their happiness and welfare before your own.  It is to relinquish some of the pleasures of life to others; they enjoy them and you lose them.  When we say that a person has given preference to another one over himself, it means that he preferred this person to himself for the sake of the reward of the hereafter.

Imam Ghazali says in his book Al-Ihya (The Revival), that there are three levels/grades of al-Eethar:

First- to give your brother what you would give to a servant, i.e. you eat and give him your leftovers.

Second- to treat him just like yourself, i.e. you give him what you would take for yourself.

Third- to prefer him over yourself, i.e. provide his needs before yours.

The greatest Eethar in this life is to seek Allah’s pleasure over that of mankind, yourself, or any other thing.

Allah says in the Qur’an (59:9) in a verse describing the believers,

But those who before them, had homes (in Medina) and had adopted the Faith – show their affection to such as came to them for refuge, and entertain no desire in their hearts for things given to the (latter), but give them preference over themselves, even though poverty was their (own lot). And those saved from the covetousness of their own souls – they are the ones that achieve prosperity

Eethar is to forsake one’s worldly share for your brother/sister in Islam to benefit from it, and to prefer someone else before one’s self with the intention of being rewarded by Allah in the Hereafter.

Al-Eethar consists of a few elements which if implemented, would identify a good practising Muslim. Some of these are: to maintain good relations with people, to be tolerant and understanding, patience, concern, forgiveness and mutual kindness. One of the companions (ra) said: “The Prophet (saw) never denied anyone something which he owned.”

The Prophet (saw) also said: “None of you will have faith till he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

Al-Eethar was naturally a part of the Prophet (saw). When witnessed by many, they actually embraced Islam.

“No Shame in Religion” October 27, 2010

Today is Global Pink Hijab Day, when Muslims globally, unite for a cause: Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA). The hijab part of it is meant to highlight that Muslims are active in the campaign, but also to educate people about Muslim women and their garb – which for many (but not all) of us, consists of a Khimar (head-covering). It is also part of the larger BCA campaign, which is ongoing throughout the month of October.

Muslim women and their bodies: one of the most talked-about topics of the decade. Muslims however, seem to be caught in this awkward position between the openness and vitality of the Sunnah and our own socio-culturally imposed taboos, which make it difficult for Muslim women to grapple with physical and sexual problems, just one amongst them being: Breast Cancer. We are taught to be modest in our behavior and dress, but this has somehow become construed to mean that we need to be prudish to the point where speaking candidly and honestly about factors which impact our bodies is a no-no, and even worse, is if a Muslim woman (oh the shame!) were to express sexual dissatisfaction.

Initiatives like Pink Hijab Day are doing much to counter these inhibitions.

Islam is a remarkably unpretentious religion on issues of body and sex (although in practice Muslims may not necessarily be so). The body, particularly the bodies of women, are not seen as shameful and sinful entities (in theory), nor is sexuality seen as a necessary evil. The vitality of the tradition is noted especially in the importance given to women’s physical satisfaction during intimacy.

Breast-feeding is a highly valued practice in Islam, as is motherhood on the whole. In the first part of a beautiful verse in the Qur’an, Allah recounts the story of the mother of Musa (as), saying:

“So We sent this inspiration to the mother of Moses: ‘Suckle (thy child) … ” (Q, 28:7)

Here, Allah himself states that He inspired Musa’s (as) mother (which incidentally, forms part of a larger discourse which classical scholars engaged in about the Prophethood of women, some believing the “inspiration” in this verse to be indicative of it) to suckle her child. Need we say any more about the Divine significance of breast-feeding?

Islam is also amenable to concepts like wet-nurses, and actually bases kinship on these relationships – the Prophet Muhammad’s (saw) own wet-nurse, Halima Sa’diyya (ra) was revered and beloved to him till the end of his life.

A narration comes to us from A’isha (ra), who used to praise women of the Ansar in the following words, “How good were the women of the Ansar that they did not shy away from learning and understanding religious matters” (Muslim), referring particularly to matters of intimacy and ritual purity.

So, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, to survivors and victims of the illness and to Muslim women at large – I say, there is no shame in religion to speak unreservedly about problems we face as women – as our historical counterparts and benefactors have taught us.

Faith Central: Imaan Center for Revert Girls October 25, 2010

Early one Saturday morning, my partner in crime, Khadija and I set out to do a self-development and team-building workshop for a group of young Muslimah’s, from the Imaan Centre for Revert Girls. Not only did we have to drive out of urban Gauteng to the idyllic Vaal river banks of the North West province, we also had to shift gear, out of our comfort zones and safety nets.

The workshop we conducted was part of a weekend camp that was organized for the girls. These camps form a small getaway holiday for the girls as well as fostering the bonds of sisterhood, bringing together revert girls from different townships. To see girls as young as 12 years old taking to the faith in such a determined way was awe-inspiring, they had left behind their families and everything they knew, to join a religion and way of life worlds apart from their upbringing.

The only reason I had agreed to do this workshop, is because the organizer made it clear that the aims of his Da’wah project is to give these girls a better chance at life, by motivating them into tertiary education and careers which would benefit society in the long run. I am obviously not a fan of a number of token Da’wah organizations who bring women into Islam and shut them out from the rest of the world, leading them to believe they must lead cloistered lives, and that the ultimate success of a pious Muslimah is – marriage. Of course, marriage forms a crucial support structure for new Muslimah’s, but it is certainly not the outcome of what being a Muslimah means. Unfortunately I have come face-to-face with a few groups like these, too often.  Forcing people into Islam by feeding them and then expecting them to buy into an Indianized religion with traditions which have no basis in the religion is not Da’wah. Da’wah – or calling to Islam, calling to Peace and Submission, is a call to a better life which betters society at large. It should be a beautiful calling, resonating with humility and sincerity, and certainly not with a hand-me-down attitude. My particular gripe is with Da’wah amongst women – Islam empowers women, as we Muslims love to say – and I was so impressed to witness how the Imaan Centre was doing just that – empowering these young girls to become strong, confident Muslim women, with so much to offer the world.

The face of township Islam is rapidly changing – a vibrant and energetic Islamic spirit is sprouting up – yet some of these environments are not conducive to bringing up Muslim children, with the rife spread of promiscuity, alcohol and violence. The Imaan Centre provides a safe haven for these girls – whilst not cutting them off from the real world – to the contrary, preparing them to face it.

Our presentation was initiated with introductions and each girl had to speak about herself and her interests. The first activity was a self-development one. After handing each participant a card, I asked them to write out their own obituary. This is a powerful reflective exercise – getting each participant to introspect deeply about their lives and what they wish to achieve by the end of it – always bearing in mind, that Allah is the best of planners. I watched with delight as each girl poured herself into the task – I could see them thinking and feeling, intensely.

Then, we moved on to the team-building exercise – one of my favorites. The larger theme of the camp was the “role of Muslim women in society”. I presented a 15 minute talk to them on my construction of the ideal Muslim women, based on the emblematic qualities of Mercy, Modesty, Confidence, Patience and Sincerity. Each quality I framed around a great women of our history, particularly Nusayba (ra) and Khadija (ra). Then, we asked them, to draw their own idea’s of the defining qualities the ideal Muslimah. It is always fascinating to see what people come up with when trying to express abstract concepts in pictures. Each drawing was original and depicted some virtue about Muslim women which the girls thought were imperative, particularly “education”, “kindness”, “love” and “sisterhood”.

The concluding activity was a short one – each girl partnered with someone she did not know very well, facing each other and holding hands, they had to repeat to each other “I love you for the sake of Allah”, staring into the others eyes without giggling. I got to partner 11 year old Aisha – and it was a beautiful moment!

What struck me most was the time and sacrifice made by the organizer, Shaykh Shaukat, who could have been anywhere else that weekend, yet there he was, with a bunch of boisterous teenage girls, inculcating in them devotion to Allah, love His Prophet (saw) and motivation to seek knowledge.

I urged them to keep the cards they had written their obituaries on, and to look at them months and years down the line and introspect further. Each girl had some idea of what she wanted to be when she grows up – from pilots to scholars. I’m sure as time passes, some of these will change and be replaced by other aims, the important thing though, is that they have the ability to dream, and a means of achieving those dreams through the work of the Da’wah centre.

As Muslim woman – we need to reach out, and reach into the hearts of our sisters, so I was very delighted to receive a text message from Shaykh Shaukat the next day asking us to please conduct more workshops for them, and indicating that the girls had all voted Khadija and I as excellent presenters May Allah accept!

A Woman of the Qur’an: a Precious Entrusment

At our halaqa (Quranic study circle) this week, I was reminded by one of the sisters about the story of Hafsah bint Umar (ra), one of the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (saw). We hear so much about A’isha and Umm Salama (ra), and rightfully so, but in the story of Hafsah, there is something very significant to ruminate, beyond just the factual content of her life, as narrated in the tradition.

Firstly, she was the daughter of Umar (ra), the second Caliph and a dear companion to the Prophet (saw), and a sense of her character, which seeps through the various narrations, indicates that like him, she was strong-willed, bold and outspoken. Incidentally, she also inherited some of his famed temper. She loved her father very dearly, and it is narrated that she wept incessantly at his death. (Sahih Bukhari)

Hafsah (ra) was literate, a great feat indeed, for anyone, man or woman, of her time. It is narrated that she was instructed by Shifa’ bint Abdullah (ra), another woman who deserves much accolade, who also taught  Hafsah some medicinal healing. (Musnad, Imam Ahmad) The point being – the Prophet (saw), illiterate himself, had in his household, an educated woman.

The most striking aspect of Hafsah’s (ra) life, for me, is that she was entrusted with the only existing manuscript of the Qur’an, after the passing of Umar (ra). This, I believe, is where we need to pause, and reflect.

The Qur’an is the essence and integral of Islam, it is the scripture, the basis for law and the spiritual nexus of the religion. It’s centrality in Islam is pivotal – Islam, as a way of Being, rests on the very existence of the Qu’ran. History tells us that after the death of the Prophet (saw), during the time of Abu Bakr (ra), the prominent companions feared the loss of the Qur’an (the culture being largely oral), due to the loss of many of its memorizers, and thus undertook to collate and compile the first Qur’anic manuscript. After Abu Bakr (ra), it was passed to Umar (ra), who left it to his daughter – Hafsah (ra). (Sahih Bukhari)

Umar (ra) is often criticized as having being overly harsh when it came to issues about women, and in some cases, rightfully so. Yet, despite himself, he decided that the one person in the entire Medinan community, comprising of many prominent male companions who were still alive, whom he could impart the only written Qur’an to, was a woman: Hafsah (ra). This, coupled with the fact that she could read and write, and hence, was a person worthy of the manuscript, sheds light on many misunderstood gender notions in Islam. Yes, she was an exception to the general circumstance, but change, I believe, rests on the shoulders of those in our history who were exceptional.

Hafsah (ra) is also known to have memorized the Qu’ran , adding to her credentials as it’s benefactor. She was thus, not just the keeper of the Qur’an – she had the mental tools to appreciate and make use of it. In fact, there is also a somewhat controversial narration that she, together with A’isha (ra) advised a scribe on the recitation of a particular verse which differed with other accounts. (Muwatta, Imam Malik), and some other traditions mention that in addition to the Qur’anic manuscript compiled under Abu Bakr’s (ra) commission, she had her own compilation. (Abu Dawud) These finer details here, are irrelevant, the bigger picture being that she had in her possession, a weighty and precious entrustment.

When the third Caliph, Uthman (ra) wished to produce copies of the original manuscript, he requested it from Hafsah (ra), explicitly mentioning that he would return it to her. (Sahih Bukhari)

It is known that she fiercely protected her copy of the Qur’an, refusing to relinquish it to the governor, Marwan, who ruled during the last years of her life. (Abu Dawud)

The role of this one woman in preserving the Qur’an in Muslim history is significant. From the Qur’an she so treasured, all other subsequent copies were produced, as we have it today, universal in its appeal and eternal in its message. There is much we can take from her story – as an active member of her society, she contributed to the perpetuation of Islam, at one of the highest levels. She, as a woman, was not just a “keeper” of the Qur’an, she is proof that woman held positions of esteem, for what greater rank can there be than to be the custodian of the one and only compilation of the Qu’ran, in a society built on that very text. She is also proof of the irrelevance of gender in matters of spiritual status and religious affairs, as opposed to transactional and contractual situations, where contextual differences are noted. What this story also reflects is that women had, and should have access to the Qur’an at all levels, as reciters,  interpretors, safeguards, teachers and interlocutors of its message.

Not only was Hafsah (ra) a wife of the beloved Prophet (saw) and the daughter of the great Umar (ra), but a woman in and of her own right – Imra’atul Qur’an – a woman of the Qur’an.

It is very saddening to witness the rate of illiterate and uneducated Muslim women in the world today, given the precedence of woman like Hafsah (ra) in our tradition, and even more disheartening is the waning culture of Haafidhat (female memorizers of the Qu’ran). In my own journey with the Qu’ran, in committing it to heart and memory, a blessed source of inspiration is the famed Mushaf Hafsah.

Hypocrites and the Jumuah Before Kick-off June 12, 2010

Everyone who knows me – knows that I have a crusade against sexist/misogynist/chauvinist men (and women for that matter), especially that kind that tries to bar women from Islam’s places of worship – mosques. If you know this about me, you will know that I was initially extremely irate, then quite hopeful at the well organized salaah facility at the World Cup Opening match.

It was Friday, an auspicious day for Muslims and the facility was packed, before the 2010 Fifa World Cup Opening Match which would make history for being the first on African soil.

At said salaah facility (generously organized and well executed by Muslim donors and volunteers) I witnessed with rising anger, so many men and women who normally “oppose” women’s participation in the mosque, quickly adapt their positions to suit their soccer frenzy.

I would like to pose a question to everyone who attended – did you notice any women luring and seducing men before, during or after the Salaah? I personally did not. What I did witness, was men and women who wanted to pray. Period.

After a long and very informative chat with Imam Wadee, who led the salaah before the kick-off, I realized that small steps like these, taken by organizers and community leaders like himself, are the only way to ultimately show people, realistically, that the skies will not open up and rain down punishment on men and women who pray in congregation in the masjid or other public places. Imam Wadee explained to me, that although a separate tent was set up for the women, he took the initiative to designate the space behind the men for the women. The whole barrier/partition, in his words – did not exist during the Prophet’s (PBUH) time, and is an innovation.

South African Muslims are amongst the most free to practice their religion in the world, and to engage to all sorts of other social, political and economic activities…yet women in Johannesburg and other Deobandi-run masaajid are not allowed to attend, or are allowed to do so “conditionally”.

I don’t believe there are any conditions for a women’s attendance and participation in the masjid, which is the pivotal center of a Muslim community. It should be open and welcoming to every human being. Its time we started living up to the Sunnah we are so quick to defend…the Prophet (PBUH) allowed a Christian man to complete urinating in his mosque…and some Muslims, in this day and age, bar believers from the house of worship.

So – let me get this straight – under normal circumstances, religiously-committed women who desire to benefit from the sanctity of the masjid and the unity of prayers in congregation cannot do so because they will distract and seduce men, but in other circumstances, such as a certain important soccer match, men and women can pray together, with no walls/curtains/partitions/barriers – do you not see the hypocrisy in this??

There were many in attendance at the World Cup Jumuah who support women’s participation in the masjid, and I hope they realize the importance of fighting hard for it. There were also many there, who I personally have come to loggerheads with on this issue, especially regarding the Eid Salaah – I would like to say to these people who stop their wives/mothers/daughters and other believing women from Allah’s house to stop being such hypocrites – if you truly believe that women have no place praying together with men, that a womens place “is in the home”, then you should not have been there, but since you were, please do some serious introspection and ask yourself that if women are so inherently evil and shameful, why did you stand with them in prayer to Allah?

I would also like to commend the organizers, the Imam and the participants for making it a successful Jumuah, and showing the community, practically, that men are not lust-hungry animals and women not evil-temptresses.

Feel it…it is here!

The long awaited Fifa World Cup is finally here, on African soil.

I am not a soccer fan – but I am a South Africa fan, and so, along with 86 000 others, was fortunate enough to attend the opening match of the cup.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know very well that capitalistic, consumerist and exploitative principles guide these kind of events, I also know that hedonism, intoxication and prostitution thrive during this time, and that the average man on the street does not really benefit from the proceedings. I know all these things, yet there is still something alluring about this time – I think it is the country spirit, with practically all South Africans coming together to support their team and country (and yes, I know nationalism carries within it a mechanism for its own self-destruction), I guess its just the “togetherness”, which has been acutely missing in our success story against apartheid.

I am, as this blog suggest, a “proudly South African Muslimah”, not because I am bounded by the borders of my country, not because of my race, religion or language, of which neither are indigenous to South Africa, but because I share joy in our triumph against injustice, because I hate racism, because I love Africa.

It was an electrifying feeling – being inside the stadium – yet I know how transitionary is was, and knew how quickly the euphoria would end – man made as it was. I wish South Africa all the best in this tournament, and I applaud our country for pulling off what the rest of the world thought Africa was not capable of – but I also hope that we all remember that this will come to an end, but our social problems will remain.